Being a powerful Friend

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When was the last time you lifted another mom up? Genuinely and not in reply to her saying something kind to you first..

I’ll let that sink in…

A dear friend of mine, who I consider a female soul mate most days because she was there for me even when spouses weren’t, asked me a question:

“Does it make me a bad mom to switch my daughter to formula?”

What you don’t know is that she nursed her daughter 8 months.  With a full time CNA job.  From 6 weeks old.  SO as lunch was a down time for many, for her she had to grab lunch, scarf it down, then go and pump and be back before lunch was up.  Not to mention the other two to three times a day at least she had to pump.  And let me tell you from experience,  this is very hard.  I did it during my CNA class for clinicals….I can’t imagine 6+ months!

 

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So this begs the question, Why do we feel bad for our choices?

Why do we feel like we have to keep going?  Or that we are in competition or even judged for our decisions?  This is unacceptable in my mind.  To feel like we aren’t a good enough parent because we realized we are tired, have too much on our plates, or just simply it’s time to stop.

I’ll tell you what I think.  It’s because we live in a society where more is never enough.  The newest iPhone is the must have.  We should buy that $290 purse and put the $10 in it and show it off versus buying the $10 purse and putting the $290 in it.  Just ridiculous!

We should commend other moms.  High five them for 8 months of breastfeeding!! Congratulate them for making it through the week let alone the day some days.  Share in their joys and comfort in their sorrows.

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Instead of saying “well I nursed myyyy son 16 months”, just look at your friend and tell them that 8 months is amazing.  4 weeks is amazing.  Whatever effort they put into it for as long as they can (as long as it’s a legit effort mind you…but even then it’s not our place to judge because we never know what may be going on) is amazing.

Instead of bringing each other down, we should lift up.  In my opinion, we are told far too much that it’s OK to express the negative side of our thoughts.   That it’s OK to be a B because I’m just being honest.

I’m not saying lie.  By no means.  But show kindness.  Our friends far too often come to our sides asking “Do these jeans make my bottom look too big??” Instead of saying “Gawd! Yes girl! Oooh….Glad my butt don’t look like that!” Say “Hey, let’s find a different pair more suited to your beautiful shape.”

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It’s like that saying, people won’t remember what you did, but they will remember how you made them feel.  Let’s make each other feel loved and better about our life choices instead of tearing each other down.

I will say that as parents it is our job to put our children first.  We gave up the right to put ourselves first when they were born. However, occasionally we have to put our well being ahead of theirs to ensure they are taken care of.  We have to go to the doctor and have our ME time.  And if that means we have to give up nursing our infant because it’s time then jolly good they got those 8 months! Be proud of yourself!

So I’ll ask again.  When was the last time you lifted another mom up?

4 thoughts on “Being a powerful Friend

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